My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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