but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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