ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
