so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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