I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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