I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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