I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
