At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
