I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
