I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
