Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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