dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
