Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
