Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
