Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
MIDGETS
????
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
