just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
