my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
