trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
