I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
