Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize