u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
