And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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