I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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