I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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