The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
