"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
