you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't turn off my feet"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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