fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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