Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
