he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
