so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize