i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Small penises have feelings too.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
