I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
