Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
