is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
