I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
