i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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