Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
