im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
