Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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