I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
