Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I could make wine with my vomit
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
