You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My first STD was from a foam party
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Randomize
