I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
