She said her name was "party"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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