Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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