tell your sister to shave her snatch
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
