I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
