I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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