Do you still have your period?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
