Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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