I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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