I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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