Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
