I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
