I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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