she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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