I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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