two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
