Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
