he looks like a really good dad on facebook
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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