I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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