i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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