if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
