Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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