I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
