i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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