Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.