no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
