the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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