Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
