Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
