If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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