I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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