i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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