You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
